Welcome to Your New Home!

This last year has been an unrelenting shit spraying firehose attached to a never ending funnel of green apple splatter at a memorial service. I think Henry David Thoreau said it best, ‘fuck 2020 right in it’s big fat ass.’ Now, i’m not the wordsmith he was, but i tend to agree.

But, we’re in the home stretch. will something happen at the very end to make it seem more worthwhile going into 2021, or will this be the turd on the diarrhea sundae? of course, i’m talking about the upcoming election. Wherever you stand politically, you’re either bound to be relieved, or unbelievably po’d. i’m not taking sides, and i would hate anyone to think i was getting political. All i will say is that this year has been rough all around, for a variety of reasons. I hope that going forward, we can keep our chins up and meet new challenges with a bit more grace than our personal detractors would expect from us. like i said, i’m apolitical, i just hope for the best for you all.

Not everyone knows this, but i’m actually canadian. which is like being an american, but like…. one hill over. watching from afar. So, i would hate to tell anyone how there policy views should be informed. it’s not my place after all, and it would be presumptuous for me to act like it was. But, with how everything is shaking out, a lot of people are bound to be upset. i noticed google reported that searches in the states of ‘how do i move to canada?’ were at a record high, stoked by fears over how people at both ends of the political spectrum might react to not getting their way. And here’s the thing……. that’s cool. Come on by. i got a cold case of beers in the back fridge.

but seriously, that’s fine. i mean, there’s obvious immigration ironies here, given how accepting immigrants has become a hot button topic down there, but for me? I don’t mind it. and don’t get me wrong, i don’t mean ‘so long as you agree with me, you can come’. i mean, whatever. if you’re a jackass, you can’t come over for beers, but you can still move to canada.

do you know how freaking huge canada is? i mean, it’s about as big as the states…. but it’s so empty! and i’ve only seen like….. 0.00002% of it. that’s how much there is. i guess the states is pretty empty is some places too, but not to hear some people go on about it. but there’s every chance that if you move to canada, you could live your whole life here, and we’d never run into each other, even once. that’s how big it is. A couple rules though…. we have free health care. now i know that might seem strange to you, but you’ll have to just live with not getting a massive bill to have open heart surgery. oh, and our flag isn’t ‘everywhere’. and it’s not sacred. i don’t own one, and i don’t know anyone who does. what else… what else… you can have guns… i think… no one does. well, i mean, not at the mall. other than that, come by, get a job, pay taxes, that’s the whole drill. tell them i’m sponsoring you. if they give you any grief at the border, call the guy a hoser, and throw a timbit right at his toque, eh?